she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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