With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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