TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
