You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
