you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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