Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
