He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
