I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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