Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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