i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
