She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
