We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
