I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
