glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
