there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pants are for mortals
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
