Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
