Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
