i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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