Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
