You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
