Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize