I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
