remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
