Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
