U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
