Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
