saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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