She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
