Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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