Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
