Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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