A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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