you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
