i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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