the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
