What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
