My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
