Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
