Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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