If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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