Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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