in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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