I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm having to shit out rocks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
