I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
