1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
