he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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