WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
