Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
