I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
