He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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