when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
as a side note pls kill me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
