It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
