shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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