Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
