At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
