I was born with a shot glass in my hand
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
