Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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