So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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