Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the day after is always just damage control
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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