I heard we made out
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
