I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
