Barsexuality is the new black.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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