I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
