This house was built for laser tag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
