I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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