Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
