I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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