in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I CAN MOONWALK!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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