well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
