you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
