Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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