I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
