I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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