How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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