Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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