Whod you bang
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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