No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
