Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
