guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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