He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
