it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
