i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
