I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
