I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
