i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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